Check these two writings and tell me your opinion

You have two letters here. Both are written by different students. These can go in the IELTS or CELPIP task 1s. One student will score the top mark while the other will fail miserably.
…Can you tell which one is which?
We do this exercise in our classes and it’s called “self realization”. It is by far one of the most effective exercises you can use!
So think about when parents tell you not to do something when you are young… you do it anyway…. you suffer the consequences… then you say, ‘I should have listened.”
This exercise will do exactly that! It will make you realize mistakes yourself. When you go through it, you will realize some things that you might be doing incorrectly and it will help you reflect on your own skills!
That’s why most teachers say that they learn more while they are teaching as compared to when they are students! This is your chance to be the teacher!
Reply to this email with your thoughts. Which letter gets what mark and why do you think that is. I will personally correct you if you are wrong and give you ideas!